I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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