3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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