I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
