someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
