my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize