24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
