I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize