did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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