He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
