the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
