How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
