My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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