last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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