I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
