wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
