What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
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Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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