he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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