Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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