also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
