I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize