Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
