A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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