First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?