am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying