mondays should just be called national damage control day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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