I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.