Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?