I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
