pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
