I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
