if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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