That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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