I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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