On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
