listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hippo gnu deer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have aggressive nipples.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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