I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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