he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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