I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
