I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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