i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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