Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
