bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
