He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
