When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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