Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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