I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
