Is it because I queefed?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
