Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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