well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
