Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
