Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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