i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
