I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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