someone threw a dead crab at me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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