If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
