I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
