Non-Jews are for practice
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
