Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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