I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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