honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
