And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
