I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
