Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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