as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize