four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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