ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
