i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
