He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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