I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
